Watching Airplanes

........So, I’m sitting in one of those ultra inviting and comfortable seats in the MSP airport and I thought to myself, “I wish I hadn’t packed my journal in the bag that I just checked…” But, then I remembered I have an online blog I am trying to keep up with. So, I decided to seize the moment:

Today has been one that leaves my mind flooded with so many memories, thoughts, fears, and excitement-simultaneously. At the end of this day, I find myself in an airport watching airplanes (and hundreds of people) come and go. I think about all of the places I have been and people I have encountered and I am amazed and thankful but in a way, it also overwhelms me. It overwhelms me because I think of the strength and grace of God that have guided me through these journeys-I am humbled; it overwhelms me because I think of all of the people I have met and all of the relationships there are now to keep up with-I am blessed; it overwhelms me because I not only have a couple of months to go before the summer….but I also have the summer-which I am beyond excited about; finally, it overwhelms me because while I do have the summer left, it is all I have “left” of this chapter in my journey-and this kind of scares me. After August, I am no longer employed by YouthWorks and that makes me extremely sad but it also awakens so much excitement inside of me. I know that God is leading me and that alone brings me all of the peace I need for today.

So, those are my thoughts on this day. Here is a little update note about what I am actually doing for the next week:

I am headed to Billings, MT. tonight. I land around midnight then I will get up in the morning and drive 2 hours to Lame Deer to meet with some community friends then present YouthWorks to the school board tomorrow night. ..I am a little nervous, to say the least. It is funny how no matter how many times I do this-it always produces this little knot inside my stomach that never fails to affect me in one way or another. After the board meeting, I will head over to the YoungBears to see my little sis Shannon then drive 2 hours back to Billings to sleep. The next morning, I head to Seattle where I will meet with two of our site director candidates for recruiting before driving to Toppenish. I will be on the rez for a few days then will head back to Seattle, stay the night, then fly out the next morning to go back home to Minneapolis. It’s going to be a good trip that has me on the go quite a bit. I am excited to see my buddies though!! It will be a good “next to last” community development trip. Wow, that sounds so crazy to say. It is becoming more and more real to me as the weeks and months progress. The “future” is quickly approaching and all that I can think of in this space is something that Mother Theresa wrote and truly believed and that is this: I will not ask for clarity-only for faith. On this night, that idea sounds quite wonderful to me: I will forfeit clarity and cling to faith....

This is the sound of all of us...singing with love and the will to trust

Tonight I write from an air mattress on Yipper’s living room floor in Lodge Grass, MT. Today was just your ordinary fun-filled day on the rez. It started out with a text from Shelley telling us that Wale’s wanted to take us for lunch at the Bingo Hall this afternoon. Yipper and I made pancakes and chatted about life then Wale’s came and knocked on the door to welcome me into town and make sure that lunch plans were a go. Not three minutes later, Shelley called and was at the front door ready to “play” for the day. ….At this point, it is about 9 am.

The three of us girls sat around, played guess who, and caught up on life’s recent events. After a while, we decided to walk to the IGA to get some fresh air and pick up a few supplies for the day-mainly skewers for Yipper to make kabobs…we couldn’t find any so we cut up a wire coat hanger and it worked out just fine. After this, we decided we should head over to Crow Agency to the Multi to meet Wales for some lunch. A blizzard was coming in but we hopped in the truck and braved the snow. Lunch consisted of walking in, getting carded by security, then asked to leave because Shelley is not 18. So, Wales let us in the “back door”, bought us lunch, then sent us on our way.

Since most of the day had been pretty slow, we decided we needed some excitement. So, naturally, we put on snow gear, blew up a huge air mattress, and hiked to the top of “school hill.” Yipper and I hopped on the air mattress and that thing sure went fast. We rolled off before we hit the bottom to avoid running into the metal wire fence-I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time. It was an incredible time that I will remember for months to come.

The day ended with a trip back to Billings to exchange my little Suzuki rental car out for a four wheel drive. The snow is piling up here and there’s no way I could make it to Lame Deer tomorrow without four wheel drive. It was a great time to chat with Yipper, encourage each other, and exchange crazy stories about all that our Creator has been teaching us along the way.

...You know, today was simple. It involved great friends, fantastic memories, and sweet times of living life together. It reminded me that we were created to slow down, enjoy one another, and appreciate creation. I love the rez-it isn’t always easy but something about this place and these people gives me peace.

The Omer of Manna

I read Elisabeth Elliot's book, "Passion and Purity" not too long ago and in one of her chapters she talks about keeping track of life's events. She says this: I called the notebook the "Omer of Manna," taking the idea from Exodus 16:32, "And Moses said, This is the thing which the Lord commandeth, Fill an omer of it to be kept for your generations; that they may see the bread wherewith I have fed you in the wilderness, when I brought you forth from the land of Egypt."

After I read this, I started thinking a lot about how I wished I had kept better track of the past three years. I have seen so many things, learned more than I could have ever dreamed, made so many mistakes, and received grace every single time. I could tell stories about all of these experiences for hours but I wish I had more of those times written down. The Lord has been so, incredibly faithful to me. Sometimes, His faithfulness was easy and I accepted it with open arms. Other times, His faithfulness and goodness was hard for me to handle-because it included words I did not want to hear or things I did not want to do.

I know with every part of my being that my Creator is steadfast and His love never fails and I want to write these things down so that these moments (from the most simple to those most defining) can be shared with family and dear friends now and for generations to come...

So, with that said, I have decided to be much more committed to writing in my journal and as much as I can in this blog. I love this life-the happy times and the rough spots-and I am excited to share as much as I can.

"...Lord, I have said the eternal Yes. Let me never, having put my hand to the plough, look back. Make straight the way of the Cross before me. Give me love, that there may be no room for a wayward thought or step..."

Standing in the Canyon, painted hills around, and the wind against my skin

So far, I have driven about 4,000 miles through the Northwest visiting staff teams and community friends. I stopped over at a hotel in Idaho and, tomorrow, I am heading the rest of the way to my fourth and final "site" in Yakama.

I have been trying my best to take pictures along the way. I have a little extra down time in my hotel tonight so I thought I would share some of my favorites....







With some great friends and co-workers at Lookout Mountain in Denver







...A prarie home in Montana....









One of my Cheyenne friends, Shannon. --we have a lot of fun together.






Welcome to Heart Butte, MT. Home of the Blackfeet Nation






A beautiful, sunny sky on my drive to Washington





My family: Jo, McKenna, Kades, and McKendall-
dancing for Culture Night in Blackfeet




Ask and I'll give the Nations to you, O Lord, that's the cry of my heart....

It is the way the master trod: should not the servant tread it still?

(Just returned from Glacier National Park and from an incredible talk by Ranger)

Everyone breaks off into groups and I find an empty hallway to pray and reflect alone.
"Leadership is a lonely road." I have heard this statement over and over again but, it is in these times that I feel it the most. I skip around from city to city, team to team, and community to community. With each journey, I find myself often feeling like an onlooker or an outsider. One who is painfully attempting to break into preestablished rhythms with little success. Other times, there is nothing sweeter than blessings I receive through leadership and the belonging I experience with old friends and new.

I think of the way of my Creator and His promise that He, too, fully identifies with my journey.
He goes before me and He is my rear guard. He is good. I lean on that tonight.

He gives strength to the weary

(a journal entry from last week's morning devos)

Today, I am tired. Tired from running around; from solving problems; from talking and listening non-stop;from giving what seems like hundreds of piggy back rides, and the list goes on. I reflect on these past three weeks and I realize that I am tired FROM all of these things but I am not tired OF them-my heart is glad. The joy of the Lord is my strength.

In the context of my current purpose, there has been (and will be) necessary detail work involved in reaching the kingdom goal that is set before me. I think about the many conversations that will be had, floors that will be mopped, kids that will be carried around, and logistics that will be managed. Sometimes, it makes me crazy-ask any of my staff that have been around me for the past 3 1/2 weeks. But, in the midst of all of this chaos there is a covering of serenity that keeps my pace steady and my gaze fixed.

Jesus is in these places. His spirit is alive and active, and His passion is within me.
I have not been given anything except for the moment set before me....let this day begin.

and I want to live with wider eyes...there's far too much to see

(A couple weeks ago)

I have been doing a lot of traveling back and forth lately and I have been involved in a lot of different things with so many new people. So far, one of my favorites is this night:

I got to Lame Deer (Northern Cheyenne Reservation) around dinnertime and hung out with the four staff who are living here. We finished up work for the night then headed on over to Lonnie’s dad’s house in Ashland, MT. to help prepare for the sweat that night.

Native Americans are very spiritual people and they place high value on prayer. Many times, they gather to pray for a specific purpose. When this happens, they call people together to the sweat lodge- a dome shaped/adobe structure made out of intertwined wood and covered in blankets. When they call people together, they make sure it is a group of people who will pray with them and for them. There are many different types of sweats within each culture and tribe. We were invited to what the Northern Cheyenne people refer to as a Young man’s sweat. The Young Man’s sweat is a very relaxed sweat with few strict traditional rules. Many times, men and women are not permitted to sweat together, you are not allowed to have water, you have to sit up perfectly straight, etc. This sweat was a little more relaxed as far as guidelines go but it was very intense in the heat factor.

We were brought together to pray for Lonnie’s dad and the healing of his sickness as well as Lonnie’s sister and her relatives. When you go into a sweat there are traditional guidelines that must be followed upon entering the sweat, staying in the sweat, and exiting the sweat. The leader of the sweat enters the lodge first and sits to the left of the door. After this, each person goes in counter-clockwise and sits in the next available spot. The sweat is only about 5 feet off of the ground so you have to crawl all the way around it. Once everyone is seated, the hot rocks are brought in and placed in a pit in the middle of the lodge. After this, the doorman (the person in charge of rocks, water, and opening/closing the doors) comes in, closes the flap, and sits down. Then, the sweat begins. Everyone “smudges”-a symbolic cleansing. After this, the sweat begins. The host will either give a prayer or call on someone to share what is on their heart. After this, the rocks are sprinkled with sage, and the water is poured on the rocks. It gets very steamy and very hot really quickly. Many times, rattles are used, songs are sung, and everyone prays out loud for the given requests, other people, and themselves.

There are four official rounds to a sweat as well as a “cowboy” round (where ALL of the remaining water is dumped onto the hottest rocks-it gets to 160-180 degrees in the lodge). Each round lasts from 15 minutes to an hour-depending on the host. Our rounds lasted around 15 minutes each. I made it through all four rounds and the cowboy round. Each round is different because each person shares different thoughts. Lonnie made me stay-he was proud of me for making it through…I may or may not have almost died. It is hot beyond belief in there. After the sweat, we prepared a meal together (it was around midnight at this point) and ate with all 20 people who were gathered from all over the United States.

I was honored to participate in the sweat that night. I love the idea that each person has an opportunity to share their hearts and thoughts with everyone else. Then, everyone in the lodge commits to praying for that request throughout the round. I got to speak one round and I shared on staff, communities, and thankfulness for being accepted into such a sacred and valued place that night. The sweat is spiritually and physically cleansing and it brought me close to Christ that night. Not only did I get to spend 3 hours in prayer-I got to grow closer to my Cheyenne brothers and sisters and experience a piece of what they value. I am thankful for these friendships.